Taoism: Shit happens.

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit happens”.

Buddhism: It is only an illusion of shit happening.

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

Islam: If shit happens, is it the will of Allah?

Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, Knock, “Shit happens”.

Atheism: There is no such thing as shit.

Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t.

Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder.

Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?

Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you.

Blackism: Fuck all this shit