Religion Differences

Posted under Seriously Funny - Nov 3rd, 06 - No Comments

Taoism: Shit happens.

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit happens”.

Buddhism: It is only an illusion of shit happening.

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

Islam: If shit happens, is it the will of Allah?

Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, Knock, “Shit happens”.

Atheism: There is no such thing as shit.

Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t.

Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder.

Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?

Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you.

Blackism: Fuck all this shit

del.icio.us Digg Facebook Technorati Google StumbleUpon BlinkList co.mments Newsvine

Ethnic Differences

Posted under Seriously Funny - Nov 3rd, 06 - No Comments

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl’s life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says:

“You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: ‘Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl’”.

The man says: “But I am not a New Yorker!”

“Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: ‘Brave American saves life of little girl’” - the policeman answers.

“But I am not an American!” - says the man.

“Oh, what are you then?”

The man says: “I am a Pakistani!”

The next day the newspapers say: “Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being explored”

del.icio.us Digg Facebook Technorati Google StumbleUpon BlinkList co.mments Newsvine

World Standards

Posted under Seriously Funny - Nov 3rd, 06 - No Comments
The US standard railroad gauge (width between the two rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.

Why did “they” use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe (and England) were built by Imperial Rome for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots first formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for (or by) Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman war chariot.

Specifications and bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse’s ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses. Thus, we have the answer to the original question.

When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory had to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.

So, the major design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s ass!

del.icio.us Digg Facebook Technorati Google StumbleUpon BlinkList co.mments Newsvine

Alexandru Titeu: welcome, autobiography, collected works, photos, et cetera
Collected Works - Blog Engine: Wordpress - Theme: Seperti Putih
105 queries. 0.341 seconds.